


Finding Solace

by idefk993



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, it's angsty cryptage hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idefk993/pseuds/idefk993
Summary: Elliott Witt wanted a dog, a home, a family. He wanted to settle down with someone and live a life of domestic bliss.. Tae Joon Park couldn't do that. He can't be that someone Elliott deserves.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	Finding Solace

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who haven't seen/read it yet: Mirage's [dating profile](https://www.ea.com/games/apex-legends/about/characters/mirage/story). 
> 
> also real quick because I'm not sure if this is just Aussie slang or not but: ankle biters = kids (traditionally referring to toddlers)

Becoming friends with the other legends in the Apex games was definitely _not_ part of Crypto’s plan. He was supposed to remain distant and reserved from the other combatants, keeping to himself and focusing on his mission. He wasn’t supposed to get attached and become friendly, let alone include them into his life and hobbies. And he was definitely _not_ supposed to find a family in them either. Or fall in love.

But he did. He found a comfort among this band of marauders, mercenaries and murderers, that he hadn’t felt since Mila was taken from him. Makoa Gibraltar had told Tae Joon early on that everyone here is not as different as they think, everyone has something to bond over, relate too, whether through laughter or tears. Makoa was right. Within a few months the other legends had worn away at his armour, slowly cracked away at his impassive exterior, exposing the vulnerable, scared, nerd underneath: a man terrified of his current situation, a man horrified by his own actions, a man who was drowning in paranoia and anxiety.

Before Tae Joon knew it he was helping Ajay Che fix some of D.O.C’s wires, listening to Natalie Paquette enthuse about her fences and electrical inventions, seeking the comforting guidance of Gibby after a long and hard day, chatting with Alexander Nox whilst making morning (or very late night) coffee.

And there was Elliott. Elliott ‘Mirage’ Witt with his jokes and banter and theatrics. Crypto didn’t like him at first, couldn’t see why Mystik loved the buffoon so much… until he talked to the trickster one day. _Really_ talked with him, free of snark and sarcasm. They discussed Mirage’s holo technology for hours, and Tae Joon was absolutely enraptured by the man’s expertise in engineering. Elliott Witt was smart, he had a keen intelligence, he just preferred to hide behind the mask of a joker.

It wasn’t too long after that they had kissed. Soft, sweet, quiet. Exchanged in the late afternoon after the day’s matches and a discussion about possible improvements to Crypto’s drone. The first kiss was hesitant, uncertain, tinged with a hint of anticipatory fear, Tae Joon was too dazed to reciprocate. But both the men had looked each other in the eyes, and Crypto had placed a half-synthetic hand on Mirage’s flushed cheek, and suddenly that fear of rejection and loss was gone. Then Elliott’s impossibly soft lips had pressed back against his own again, and he was kissing him too. It felt like _home_. 

Being wrapped in the comfort of Elliott’s presence felt good. Being with the trickster felt good, regardless of the risks and danger, it felt safe and secure. Crypto had eventually told Mirage everything. It took Tae Joon a while to warm up to the idea, let alone amass the courage to voice it. Elliott cried that day, sobbed into Tae Joon’s shoulder, held the hacker so tight, with such an earnestly desperate grip, it had left his ribs sore. Yet somehow despite being in tears Elliott was the one to reassure Park, to tell him that he understood his pain, his misery. Elliott’s three brothers were gone to. He had gone through a terrifyingly similar experience. 

Tae Joon really realised for the first time that day the true divide between the famous, adored, lusted over Mirage and insecure, depressed, self-deprecating Elliott. It made his heart ache and his chest tighten and, somehow, made Park love the man even fucking _more_ . He was no longer that grandstanding bumbling idiot who didn’t deserve the spotlight he was in, he was a bartender from Solace who had lost almost everything and was doing the best he could to make ends meet for his mother. If there was one thing the hacker was certain of after that revelation, it was that Elliott Witt deserves _everything_ , and Park would do anything in his power to provide it for him.

God, he loves Elliott—with his tousled chocolate curls, and gorgeous hazel eyes, and beautiful scars, and adorable noise, and soft, pure, warm lips, and dazzling smiles, and infectious laugh—he is the most beautiful thing in the entire world. 

Tae Joon was currently sitting on his bed, his laptop perched on his folded legs, leaning back against the wall behind him. Elliott was laying beside him, resting his head on Crypto’s shoulder, absentmindedly thumbing through his phone. He was wearing Crypto’s jacket, having picked it up the moment the hacker put it down (It was a guilty pleasure of Elliott’s to bundle up in the others clothing, especially his signature jacket.) The last rays of sun had dissipated long ago, but neither of the two felt compelled to leave their current comfort to switch on a light.

Despite Tae Joon’s best efforts to stay concentrated, the endless glaring texts and numerals on his laptop aren't as interesting as what is on Mirage’s social media feed, he can’t help his eyes drifting to the tricksters phone over and over and eventually gives up. Shutting his laptop and putting it aside momentarily, his now unoccupied hand instantly burying itself in Elliott’s chocolate curls, gently combing through the hair. 

Elliott hums at the contact, shuffling his body even closer to Tae Joon’s. He continues to navigate through his socials; liking, commenting, interacting with his fans, responding to the other legends online banter. Most of what Tae can see is—unsurprisingly—Mirage himself, pictures, mentions, art. He quite obviously has a fanbase that adores him, but there are some who’s adoration of Mirage seems to cross over into an obsessive attraction to the man, what with earnestly asking Mirage to marry them, or have sex with them. Hell, even people asking for Elliott to _impregnate_ them. Shamelessly requesting Mirage to have a family with them, have children and a house together…

…And suddenly, Witt’s ramblings on that dating website comes back to Park. _“We’ll get a dog. Like a golden retriever or a Wiener dog. Wiener dogs are great. Buy a ranch outside Solace City. Raise a couple rugrats. You can follow your dreams. I’ll be a stay-at-home dad. Not that I want to settle down. I don’t. Do I…? I don’t know… maybe?”_

Crypto kept a copy before he deleted it of course, it was too funny (and humiliating on Mirage’s part) to get rid of it entirely. But he’s _really_ come to regret that decision… Those couple of lines haunt him, make his heart sink in despair and pain flair in his chest, constrict and choke him. Just a few dumb throwaway lines kill him more than a Peacekeeper ever could. It was _stupid_ , really. Tea Joon feels utterly stupid for being hurt by it, but Elliott’s ramblings hold truth, a crushing truth…

Elliot wants a family, a home, a domestic life. Tae Joon can't be more the _opposite_ of what Elliott wants. 

He doesn’t like dogs and owns a cat, he can’t be domestic or settle down, he doesn’t ever want to take care of a child… he can’t even remember what having a home feels like. Besides Elliott’s arms, but, that’s not a roof with four walls and a door. Elliott desires what Tae Joon can’t _be,_ can't _do_ . And it _hurts_ . Knowing that Elliott Witt deserves so much more than him, deserves someone who can give him that domestic bliss… and yet a life without Elliott would destroy Tae Joon, dismember him limb from limb and squeeze the life from his heart… _But Elliot deserves so much more than him_.

Someone who can give him a family, someone who can settle down with him, raise a child with him, adopt a dog with him, look gorgeous for him, cook with him, give him better sex. Elliot deserves somehow who isn’t Park.

He feels sick. His stomach twisted and heavy, his lungs constricted, his hands trembling. He feels like he’s going to throw up.

His love for Mirage is greedy. It’s selfish, it’s cruel, it’s undue. Elliott shouldn’t love Tae Joon back, _can’t he see that!?_ Ssibal, he needs to stop this, he needs to end this, he shouldn’t be interfering with Elliott’s life, shouldn’t be a burden–

He doesn’t even realise he’s crying until a warm hand wipes away a trail of tears from his cheek, concerned eyes searching his own, a gentle whisper, ‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong?’

Crypto tries to say something in return, allay Elliott’s concern, but his throat is too tight. Crypto tries to move but he’s frozen, trembling and shaking. Crypto tries to quell his emotions, his panic, his sadness. But all he can do is… weep.

Mirage’s eyes widen in alarm, and incoherent stutter leaving his lips as he uncurls himself from Tae Joon’s side, carefully laying the hacker further back on his bed, his movements mindful of the others vulnerable state. _He doesn’t deserve him._

‘Shh, shh, it’s okay baby, it’s okay. I’ve got you,’ Elliott delicately murmurs, ever so softly placing a comforting hand on Park’s shoulder. His other hand still gently wiping away tears from Tae Joon’s cheek. Ssibal, _he doesn’t deserve him!_

‘Elliott,’ Crypto chokes out, wrapping a shaky hand around Mirage’s wrist, feebly trying to push the other away, his lungs heavy with guilt and humiliation. ‘I can’t give you what you want,’ the hacker croaks out, his face twisted in pain, brows held tight together, dark eyes glazed over with tears, a slight tremble in his jaw as sobs threaten to leave his throat.

‘Tae Joon, sweet-set-se– babe, w-what do you mean?’ Mirage stutters, his voice tinged with worry. He lets his hand be pushed away from Park’s cheek, and instead wraps his hand around the hackers, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against Tae Joon’s palm. He’s so patient. So kind. _He deserves to be happy_ . To have his family. To have his dog. To have his home, his dreams, his desires. And Crypto’s _stolen that future from him._

As much as Tae Joon hates himself for it he leans into Mirage’s touch on his shoulder, his trembles subsiding from the tricksters soothing motions. Ssyang, he loves him too much to let go, but he _has to. He has to. He has to._ A mournful sob escapes Tae Joon’s throat, his voice sounding so meek and strained as he says, ‘I can’t… I can’t give you a family, Elliott… I don’t like dogs, I'm unfit to look after children, I don’t think I could ever settle down…’ _I can’t give you what you deserve._

Elliott’s breath hitches, his body seeming to freeze for a moment as he processes what Park’s saying, the dots connecting. He shakes his head, his lips pulled down, his eyes glassy, his brows raised in shock? concern? regret? some terrible combination of emotions that has Crypto clenching his jaw through another pang of guilt.

‘No, n-no Tae, no…I don’t want that.’ Elliott gently whispers, bringing his hand back up to cup Crypto’s cheek, the hacker hesitantly places his hand on top of his, a part of him not wanting to lose that warmth, that touch. ‘None of that matters if I can’t have you…c-cly-clichè I know, don’t laugh,’ Elliott says, a slight smile gracing his lips in lieu of a chuckle at his own joke.

‘I love your cat, she’s the best companion in the whole world—ah, second to you of course—and I have my bar, in Solace, the Paradise Lounge, someone still has to run the place, right? And here, all of the other guys, Ajay, Bloodhound, Octavio, Renee, they’re our family.

‘I don’t care–I don’t _want_ to settle down with a mutt and some ankle biters if it means not being with you… God, Tae, _I love you_ ! I love you so much, I love you.’ Mirage places his forehead against Park’s, their noses just barely touching, a teary yet earnest smile on Elliott’s face as he breathes out, ‘I want _you_ , Tae Joon Park.’

Crypto can feel his eyes well with tears again (though not out of anguish this time), his heart swelling from Elliott’s confession, his mind reeling. His thoughts are however stuck between a limbo of euphoria and melancholy… jenjang, he’s going to have the worst head-ache later.

As of almost being able to sense Crypto’s source of discomfort Mirage places an impossibly soft kiss to the hacker’s forehead, followed by a smothering of affectionate pecks all over his cheeks, and nose, and jaw. ‘I wouldn’t give you up for anything in the whole world, love,’ Elliott coos, finally pressing a lovingly sweet kiss to Park’s lips.

‘You’re an idiot, Witt,’ Tae Joon remarks, though there is no malice behind the words (there hasn’t been any for quite some time.) He hesitantly lifts his hand up to cup Mirage’s jaw, asking for another kiss—a small tiny part of him still afraid that the trickster will realise how undeserving crypto is of his affections—but Elliott cuddles himself back up to Park’s body, giving him his requested kiss, reassuring the paranoid man. 

Mirage tucks his head against Crypto’s shoulder and neck, placing a hand on Tae Joon’s chest, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his torso. Elliott’s other hand reaches up to the back of Crypto’s head, massaging at his shaved scalp and neck, quelling the ache that was beginning to develop. Tae Joon sighs at the comforting touches, wrapping his arms around Elliott’s warm body, a small, content, smile forming on his lips. 

‘Salanghae,’ Crypto delicately whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of his boyfriend's head, and is rewarded with a pleased hum from the trickster, feeling Mirage’s grin as he presses a soothing kiss into his cybernetic covered neck. Ssibal, he loves this man so much, _so bloody much_.

Elliott’s breath eventually slows to a languid pace, coming out as warm puffs against Park’s neck, soft snores leaving him as his body completely melts into Crypto’s side and bed, still bundled up on the hackers jacket, drool—unfortunately—beginning to stain Park’s shirt. _He’s so beautiful._

Tae Joon allows his own body to relax and loosen, his arms still wrapped around his boyfriends sleeping frame, his own breath gradually matching the tranquil pace of Mirage’s. ‘I love you, Elliott,’ Crypto sleepily murmurs to Witt, his eyes beginning to drift shut of their own accord, the day's events catching up to the hacker as his body is hit with a wave of fatigue, ‘I love you.’

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)  
> this is just hella self indulgent im sorry ;0;
> 
> I'm up for taking suggestions/prompts/etc on my [Tumblr!](https://idefk993.tumblr.com/) so send in any ya got!!
> 
> Any feedback and/or advice is much appreciated! :)


End file.
